"Get
yer Titfer and lets hed fer the track". And how better to do so than in the
back of a stretch limo with a bottle of bubbly?
Having donned suitable summer attire, and wound a piece of
decoration on my battered outback hat, we duly set off in a Limo with Wombat
Willie and Captain Dave. Dave, true to his word, supplied a limo, we
supplied a bottle of bubbly.
The
gents all wore white trousers and brown loafers plus Hawaiian shirts, the lady a
cocktail dress and new A$25 straw hat, purchased for A$5 due to our being
overchanged. And to evade the strict 'no alchohol' on entry searches, Dave
and Willie had filled my 3 litre camelback water carrier with Gin and Tonic. Oh
yes, we were well set up for a day at the races.
And
so it was we set off, complete with a maniac chauffeur who hit the accelerator
and brakes with 
such force that we wore most of the champagne, and lost the rest
as he slid the overgrown beast around corners. Nevertheless, our arrival
was admired by the locals and we arranged to meet our man later.
The
Cairns Amateurs are the local equivalent of Ascot - all posh hats and two,
rather than four, legged fillies parading about. In fact, when we got to
the track we would not have known the horses were actually racing if were not
for the tannoy - the track was there, but no bleedin' gee gees...
This
was not due, as I initially suspected, to a lack of interest on behalf of the
jockey owing to the total focus the crowd had on boozing and partying rather
than betting, rather it was due to the track being only half a circuit -
presumably so the crowd would not get bored during a protracted race.
Eventually we did see one race, and lost our bet.
We'd lost Dave soon after entering, and Willie not long after so
wandered around the various stalls and parties.
Virtually no-one was watching the horse events but everyone was
having a lot of fun. As I say, think of Ascot but substitute the Champagne
for Victoria Bitter, Strawberries for meat pies, and Prada for
Buy-Lo. Giddup!
