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Getting around is proving to be a bit of a problem so I investigate hire cars only to find that, without several weeks pre-booking, one way hire is not available.   No problem!  I spend a day or two searching for a suitable vehicle and buy a second (more like twenty) hand beast - a Nissan Patrol 4x4 complete with all camping gear and a bed where the back seats used to be.

Ayee - dis is ma beast...

 Immediately it shows its age (some 20 years of touring Australia) and overheats - dis beast is more temperamental than me Julie...  

So, what the hell do I know about cars?  I know you have to put petrol in them and tires on the bits that go round, but the internal workings of a combustion engine? No idea.

To my rescue, I call a couple of guys who are advertising a lift to Perth on the YHA notice board - along with a subnote saying they take on mechanical work.

Ten minutes later, Paul and Beno turn up and agree to fix the beast and give it a service for a bottle of Jack Daniels plus parts!  We agree, and go get pissed as farts together - I get to my bunk-bed in my dorm at 4am.

In the morning, at 5.45am, the alarm goes off reminding me to get up for the Kakadu trip I'd booked the day before.  I stumble around the dorm - drunk and incapable - packing and stubbing my toes whilst trying not to wake up my fellow YHA guest, fruitlessly.   James from Ireland tells me to 'feck arf' several times before I make it to the street, and promptly fall into a coma in the back of the 4x4 bus, impressing the rest of the tour group immensely.

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