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And this is guest writer Alison taking over the quill and ink, I mean keyboard…

On arrival at the Southern Cross Hotel, which looked strangely like we had just landed in a Western and stepped into a One Horse kind of town called Berry, we entered the bar to find the walls and ceilings packed with memorabilia, from Rita Hayworth cut-outs to a replica of a torpedo hanging from the ceiling of the dining area.

After partaking in some light refreshment, beer and wine, Jason sent me to check out the rooms available, of which there was only one.  On my return to the bar I found Jason surrounded by the locals and they all turned to look at me.  One local, known affectionately as Jimmy the Axe, called out “So how was the room?”   I explained that it was fine and then another shouted out “So how’s the Penis room?” to which everybody burst out laughing while Jason held his head in his hands.  

Danny, the owner of the bar, jumped in to help me out at which point he explained that he had allowed guests over the years to ‘brighten’ up the rooms by decorating then in the way they felt like.  The “Penis” room had been decorated with three Aboriginal Gods; the Rain God, the Mountain God and strangely the Todger God.  Hence the title of the room. 

After being thankful that we were not staying in this room, and in fact had the only ordinary room without murals, we were advised by the locals that instead we must have the ‘Camera’ room, and that they would have to get going home soon to tune to channel 11 to view us later.  At this point sleeping in the car was considered a viable alternative. 

Instead we supped more wine and beer with the locals until late.  Jimmy the axe, so called because of his trade which was passed down in the family (his father was named Charlie the Chopper, and we never did get to know what the family trade was) was known for his ability to talk about any subject for numerous hours at any time.  Apparently he could outtalk anybody but this was before he met an Englishman called Purvor…At 10pm he got up and left and the Danny the owner came over and shook Jason’s hand announcing that he had to buy him a drink because he had never seen Jimmy leave before closing, and that somebody had actually managed to outtalk him.

We left the Southern Cross our own bit of memorabilia for them. The page out of the Lonely Planet guide telling us all about the friendly locals at the Southern Cross…. 

[Jason says: visit if you dare! See here the gents lavatory... judging by this 'toilet humour', they clearly have a fixation in this town with choppers, one-eyed trouser snakes and penile objects in general...]

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